That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
