last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
