Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
