You just made me feel so damn special
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
