my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
