there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
