Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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