Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We left an ass print on the piano.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
