I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
