She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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