He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
