I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
