Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can't motorboat a personality
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
