Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you traded sex for a burrito?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
