if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you made out with another girl for some wings
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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