I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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