ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
