Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
