It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
