living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
