I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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