i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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