Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The air was thick with penises
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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