I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
