It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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