halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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