lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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