I wish life had little blips of pornography
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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