Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
