To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
