so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
