I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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