So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
