the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
