I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
