its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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