the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
