I wanna passion pit in your ass
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
