You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
