I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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