You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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