my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
