508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My liver just broke up with me...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
