Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
