I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
