you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
