The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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