If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
