According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
