Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We have started to decorate penises.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
